Friday, June 16, 2006

(In the fashion of 'The Price is Right') A New Car!!!

Anyway... As you can guess from the title, I finally broke down and bought a new car today. My Buick has been having death throws lately and I didn't know how much longer it would last so I figured that if I could find a car I liked that I could afford I would go ahead and buy it. Well... I found a car I liked, at least... LOL

I'm only paying 8k for it, but making that payment is going to be tough for me right now. Still, I'm quite pleased with the price and I love the car and Jess and Goobus like it too, so I can't say that it's a bad thing.

On another note, I had a most wonderful day with my wife and daughter after we made it out of the car dealership. I took the family to the park and watched my daughter play for awhile and then we went driving to my mom's house to show off the new car and then to some friends' for the same reason. The only downside was my daughter whining about everything she could possibly think of but, hey... what are kids for? LOL

Anyway, I have schoolwork I need to do and sleep I need to get before I head out to work tomorrow so I'm ending this now before I ramble on more about my sweet new ride!! LOL

Good night.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

I think I need help dealing...

Since I know you will read this, my love, don't get angry. I'm just venting my frustrations because that's what blogs are for. ;-). That goes for anyone else that happens to be the subject matter of one of my posts, too. This is just me venting so don't take offense.

So... It has been seven days since my wife and I discussed the fact that she was planning on divorcing me and seven days since we agreed to work things out and get back to being a happy couple I'm pleased to say that things have been going well. However, I've had to work the last few days so I haven't seen much of her. I planned on having a nice, enjoyable day with her today, being that it is one of only two days off that I'm getting this week, but instead I spent most of the day arguing with my daughter about her responsibilities while my wife slept the day away.

Now I know that this seems like a stupid thing to be bothered by but when I'm expected to (and willing to and wanting to) make time to spend with her and want nothing more then to do just that, this kind of thing just hurts me on some deep, emotional level.

On top of that, my mother called me today with 'some horrible news' that I 'needed to be prepared for'.... Apparently, she had talked to my Aunt... Jess had talked to my Aunt about all of this stuff a few weeks ago and asked her to keep it confidential, but as I explained to Jess, I would never expect a family member of the other party to be able to hold up to that, and my Aunt apparently told my Mom all about it. So anyway... Mom is freaking out and telling me how Jess is going to leave me and how she's having a relationship with someone online and having cybersex with him and calling him on the phone. Of course, Jess has already told me all of this (although I thought it was only once that she had cybersex with him), but hearing it from my mother was like getting a knife in the eyball and it brought it all back up to the surface... *sighs*

Anyway... that's all the venting I'm going to do for now. Getting it out has made me feel a little better, though I'm still having a tough time with the fact that Jess was, more or less, cheating on me. I wish that she had told me that there was a problem before she took that route... Alas! It is over and done with now and I will just continue to be there for her and work through my emotions. I'm going to go cuddle with her for a few moments before I pass out.

Monday, June 12, 2006

My Daughter the Brat...

I'm at my wit's end with my daughter... No matter what Jess and I do, she will not listen. I've tried being sugary sweet and lemony sour and nothing seems to get through to her.

The current situation is this: For the last two weeks, we have been telling her to clean her room and she just completely refuses to do so. I've tried taking away privelages.. In fact, she's completely out of privileges at the moment. I've grounded her to her room, she just ignores that and comes out anyway. I've taken away her radio and she continues to disobey. She continuosly tells us no and throws fits... I just don't know what to do...


Today is my first day back to work since the discussion on Thursday and it is not going well at all... LOL
I feel like crap and I have this overwhelming urge to be at home with my wife that words just can't describe. And the real bummer is that it is only two hours in to my twelve hours shift... *sighs*
I've been asked to work two days of overtime this week and have turned it down because Jess asked me not to work that much but I feel like I should take all the money I can get at this point.... Talk about a serious conflict of interests... LOL. But, as I told Jess this past week, she is more important then the money so I know I've made the right choice.
Well... Hopefully things will get better as the day progresses... I look forward to getting home and spending time with my family, though...

Saturday, June 10, 2006

A Blessed Day

Today has been a good day. Other then my internal feelings, I've had no problems dealing with life.. LOL

Jess and I are getting along great again and it feels good to be back to normal. It will be a lot of work to keep things moving in the right direction but at least it is work I am more than happy to do.

As far as my internal feelings are concerned, it will take me a while to work through them. It is hard to hear what I have heard and not be affected by it so I don't feel badly for having my feelings. I just feel badly that this whole thing ever had to happen.

Alas, I believe that is it for this evening. I'm all typed out...

Friday, June 9, 2006

The Day After...

Today went very well. At least I think it did.
I found out more startling things about how close I was to losing my wife. Apparently, she had already decided on divorce but was scared about being able to have the financial resources to leave me and she'd already started working on a new relationship to replace me...
GODS!!! How could I be so blind as to not see any of this? I really feel like the biggest moron on the planet at this point....
But... We had a very nice day; We spent most of the day talking and it was like the old days again. I think it was what we both needed and definitely something we need to continue doing. I mean, I've always prided myself on how well we are able to communicate and, apparently, I'd lost touch with that ability these past weeks...
I officially 'broke down' on her toward the end of the day... LOL. I'd been trying not to do so since Thursday because I was at fault in this whole thing and I wanted to be there for her but I just couldn't hold off any longer I guess. I had a good cry, though, and it gave me the opportunity to poor my heart out and really tell her how much it hurt to know that I'd caused her so much pain and anguish and that I'd been so close to losing her.
Well... I'm starting to cry again while writing this and my daughter is asking for eggs so I guess that's it for the time being. There'll be more to come, I'm sure...

Thursday, June 8, 2006

A Trying Weekend...

I had the scariest moment of my life today. My beloved wife of seven years and friend of 14 told me she was considering a divorce.
Come to find out, I have made the classic mistake in my marriage; Caring too much about providing and not enough about loving.
After a very deep and eye-opening discussion, though, we have agreed that it would be better to work it out then to give up on our wonderful relationship.
So from this day forward, I feel that I've got my priorities straight. I just hope my beautiful Jess truly knows how much I love her.